Azmi

2010-03-25T02:35:00.001+08:00

As I look around, I see an empire around people.
Almost similarly pictured as above.
By an empire I mean, I see people who knows what they want.
People who actually catches quickly and knows what to do.
People who already have things at hand in the first place.
People who can actually have a future, bright, depending on how tall it is.

I see shadows, big and strong, overwhelming others.
I then see nothing of that sort on my turf.
Mine was all black; figure-less.
It's true, all of them overwhelms mine so it seems.
It seems like, people, there will always be people who are better than me,
but somehow, I see no light to at least let my figure shine.
I'm unable to loom over another presence and intimidate them.
It seems like, I meet these people almost everyday..
Not almost exactly but, practically everyday.

My empire that I've built somehow won't go higher.
Where did I go wrong?
Was I always so clumsy?
How can I not notice my mistakes and take it ever so lightly?

That's it.
I'm taking it apart, piece by piece.
Every single part of me, I'll take it apart.
I've had enough coffee breaks.
It's time I unlock this door to a higher empire.
I'm tearing it apart.

2009-09-23T01:15:00.006+08:00

This is how things end.

like how the flame from a candle turns to smoke; nothingness
like how the grounds of the earth turns to darkness; lifeless
like how nothingness is nothing; void
like how ice can exist in fire; illogical
like how a word is 1 + 1 = 2 ; stupidity
like how humans can have wings, when they don't; non-existent
like how i recite the alphabets, i missed 'u'; ignorance
like how the joker said, i love you, to the princess; impossible
like how the joker can never be of royal blood to the princess; departure

Nothingness, lifeless, void, illogical, stupidity, non-existent, ignorance, impossible, departure;
that makes us.

with this,I end my blog.
I was here, but just think that I was never here.
this is the last.
for you, you don't know me no more.
Well, catch me if you can.

kudos

2009-09-19T23:30:00.006+08:00

It's sad, that the month of Ramadhan, the fasting month, has passed.
I feel it, the sadness, however not in the past.
I feel it now, thanks to some enlightenment.

Now, I feel the joy of Raya as well.
Seeing how my mom is stressed over the delicacies.
How my parents an brothers pester me to buy clothes, -.-'''
I'd like to spend, but I'd like to save too.
It's not like my parents have such fortunate and a load of income.
It's not like my bros contribute, but hey, alhamdulillah.
Things aren't as bad.
I do pray for all things, life especially, to be better in every way;
for those whom I love and cherish,
friends whom I've had a crazy and wonderful time with,
family for longevity,
for the better in the last day of our lives,
and lastly, for myself.
It's a joyful day today, and so I pray for all, to really, be happy.
Be happy with what we have, take what we've lost as a challenge,
take every new hills in our lives as stairs to God, to a higher knowledge,
to a better life so that such undesired events won't happen again as God will guide us in every way, for he Loves us. Dia lah yang Maha Penyayang.
So I wish for everyone, yet facing hardship, to be happy on such an eventful night, and day. Smiles is what I want to see, new resolutions to be made and to be heard, the feel of living, the motivation.

Tonight, whatever sins, as a sinner, as a liar,as someone who have hurt you emotionally and physically, whatever sins I have made, to you, to my friends, to my loves, please forgive my wrongdoings.

And so to all, BE HAPPY ALWAYS,
and, SELAMAT HARI RAYA MAAF ZAHIR DAN BATIN.

maafkan ku...jika aku tinggalkan kasihmu malam itu..
maafkan ku...jika aku perlu pergi lagi..
maafkan ku...sebab aku masih menyayangi mu.
maafkan ku...bila aku kata awak mengada rakan2 mu yang lain yang kisah tersangat kepada awak.
maafkan ...kerna itu mungkin salah satu sebab aku menyelesapkan diri daripada hidupmu satu hari nanti.
maafkan ...jika aku berkepala batu.
maafkan ku...untuk banyak lagi yang aku telah melakukan untuk membuat awak berasa tidak selesa, tidak berasa tenang, membuat awak sakit hati hari itu.
Aku harap awak bergembira selalu, dan sentiasa berdiri kuat terhadap gunung-ganang hidup ini.
Allah s.a.w akan selalu bersama mu, sentiasa jika aku pergi.
Sayangku terhadap mu, tidak akan lesap, dan tidak akan ku tanam.
Selamat Hari Raya..Maaf Zahir Dan Batin..

2009-09-19T13:45:00.003+08:00

Ever wondered,
why have I been saying sorry a lot??
Maybe because I left.
Now, again.
Maybe for good and never coming back.

I'm not going anywhere,
I just wanna be away from your memories.

I've been having thoughts of leaving,
leaving this and that so things would be better,
leaving, again.
C'mon, for the best at my own risk.

I feel like talking to someone.
I need advice, to tell me what to do.
Something, something that I can agree with.
Anybody...?
Because I might just act on impulse again.
Yes, I'm being indecisive now,
because I'm afraid.
Fear is my worse adversary to move.
Fuck, I'm weak, vulnerable;
whatever effed up words to explain a mans demoralization.
Now, I'm feeling as low as dirt,
stepped on, soon easily forgotten.

I'm figuring,
I'll give, then go.

Somehow...

2009-09-16T05:21:00.004+08:00

Ever felt stupid??
Stupid of waiting, and hoping but you know you shudn't but you can't?
Knowing that it's out of reach, you'd still wait??
Have you ever??
I have, and it feels like shit I tell you.
The greatest pain of all is to not have, and to lose and to let go.

Haha! That was totally random. No worries. I said those out of boredom and jest.
Didn't mean a single thing. Believe me, I'm lying. LOL!

It's 530 in the morning, and haven't slept at all.
Why?
My brother, 'Caffeine' here is keeping me awake. I've got a bad headache now too.
Can't continue studying. Hope I'll be ok for the paper later.

Seriously IDK what to blog about.
Yes, things do bother me the more O levels are nearing. Somehow I'm worried about the O levels, somehow, I'm just worried about the outcome and the aftermath of my efforts. Will my efforts all go down the drain? Will I not get what I want?

Whatever it is, I don't want to get FFFFF'd. XD

Anyway, wth? I kena shoo-ed by Ain early in the morning?? XD!!!

Ok ok ciao!!

2009-09-11T00:34:00.000+08:00

AHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
lol..........
the days passed by so quickly...MUGG!! X.X!!

2009-09-06T21:24:00.000+08:00

i'd like to have this guy as a pet.
hahaha

2009-09-04T21:05:00.000+08:00

this is superb people!!! haha
passion and melvin rules!!!

2009-09-03T06:14:00.000+08:00

the life of a boy
the life of another
trying to be the light of one's soul
a light, a guide, even a fight
to lighten the darkness,
in one's path,
to home, love, and happiness.

steps taken,
little but moving,
down a hole.
he became the ladder,
he became the arrows,
he became the stars,
enveloping the 'one' with 'light'
light of warmth,
company,
love,
like how the moon is enveloped by the stars.
He would like to become anything..
as long as the soul's secured,
cherished.

The boy, regardless of what comes may,
he's trying desperately, to be the light,
to read that story,
to accompany it,
regardless the distance,
regardless the situation.

He'd never let go of that book,
all the more he wants to be the cover now,
the cover of one's life,
to be one of her joys of life,
to hold the pages together,
to shield,
to protect,
to caress that life with a soft touch,
to make things better,
drowning the sorrows,
the darkness,
so that steps taken are clearer,
and more so confident,
in order to conquer,
to retrieve what is lost.

Overcome that fear dear,
of going further,
the boy far off is watching,
his hands reaching out to you,
take it,
and hold it tight,
he'll fight with you
he'll run with you
he'll walk the distance to you, with you
he'll carry you if you can't afford another step
he'll try..the best he can..
..I promise

2009-08-30T20:22:00.000+08:00

well, this totally sucks. something's either wrong with my internet, or my browser.
However, i believe strongly that it's the internet, if my theory is correct.
cheyy see see, i've got a theory.

I'm tired today and IDK why.
I came home from religious class only to find myself, attracted to the softness of my bed,
laid down and started snoring.
ok i dont snore but u guys do get the idea right? no? err...

SO! I don't think I'm refreshed now but I've got things to do.
I'll be forcing myself to stay awake.
I need as little rest as possible to save some time.
Like now, I'm multi-tasking. hehe.
So until here I guess.
yeah, that's all.
See ya ;D

2009-08-23T00:28:00.002+08:00

okok this vid is funny! haha. go shane!

Anyway, same question. What subject(s) do you hate?
LOL! I'm making myself sound like him.
Anyways, it's a very quick update.
I'll be online JUST to do some D&T research.
I'll be offline most of the times to chiong my studies.
So my phone will be topped up by the end of this week, friday.
Text me by then, or even now if anything arises or if you need company.
I'll call ya too. =)
See ya =D

oh yeah, good luck to whomever.
Just felt like wishing good luck.
How stupid can that be? hmm =/

2009-08-12T03:54:00.001+08:00

It's like 4 in the morning right now. I did sleep, but I woke up every hour.
seems like im bothered. lol

22/08 eng oral.
22/10 commencement of O level papers.

2009-08-03T23:56:00.000+08:00

Ooook i don't feel like studying. I didnt even study just now too, except for class.
I kinda wrote this in class. Just some random utter that's been going through my chest, my head and each of my heartbeat.

IDK what title shud I give it. hmmm...
it's something abt a book, reveals a story of a girl...yess

A Story Of A Girl

an avid reader,
young, naive and selfish,
changed upon the presence of the book.
He became motivated, always trying to understand,
however, the book revealed little.
His naivity was one, but the story, is another fault to blame.
He began to ask, not people,
but the book so that he will understand.
the book revealed little, but he kept reading each day.
a day without the book,
his mind began to wonder and worry.
He began to care a lot,
but never got anything out of it.
He then sits by the sidelines,
letting the book write its story,
feeling worthless, he wonders,
how will I help this girl,
if she wont tell me anything?

out of reach
a loose grip,
barricaded and so hard to breach.
a heart that never lies,
filled with pain to care,
but just sitting by the sidelines,
feeling helpless,
he can't do anything abt it.

Yes, He was I.

a book,so hard to read
a soul, to be deciphered,
thinking abt it every night,
as i lay in my bed,
thinking, i have to read,
i have to decipher it,
i want to understand,
because if i don't
then i'm not loving it.

the book tends to close,
to barricade itself,
creating a facade by it's cover,
but im trying to break through,
so that i can know more,
more abt that book,
how interesting,
how sad,
how happy,
how intricate things can be,
to be told,
to be solved,
to be shared,
just with me.

a teardrop,
from the book, it fell to the floor,
the story of one,
young and innocent,
however, the cover showed otherwise.
a girl, on a roller-coaster,
smiling and laughing.
why would something so happy shed a tear?
I wiped away that teardrop,
still wet in my hands, i said,
'I'll help you wipe them away,
I'll help bring happiness,
I'll be your listening ear,
I'll read you everyday,
I'll be a punching bag,
an empty cauldron where u can shout into.
I'll be a curse,
a curse for your own benefit,
a care without its own concern.

I took up my own pen,
and started writing,
'She met a boy,
who took her out,
and made her day.'
I whispered,
I'll make you feel alive,
after all the burden you've been through.
That is the only way I can help...
for now.

Ok Until here only. I couldnt think up of anymore, but basically, I think I wrote the message in there already. It should mean this :

There's a girl, who fakes her emotions, a facade. Great attempt but then it's leaking, teardrops falling, dropping, salty and wasted. A boy then comes, who saw her on first impression and thought, lovable. He began to pay attention, seeing her cheerful side but somehow, he sensed a difference in the long run. He knows that the girl keeps to herself a lot. After knowing her for so long, he started to care for her, deeper and deeper. He couldn't take it anymore and decided that he wants to, no, he needs to help. However, he doesn't know how.All he does know is to lend his shoulder. All he knows is how to 'tank' her punches.
He's willing, but the girl ain't. Let's just say that the girl is very independent. She is 'tanking' her own problems. The guy just wants to do what he can, and that is to make her feel happy, alive and kicking in her life. A way of relieving stress. At the same time, he wants to understand her and know the 'real' her. The person as who she is and not what people see her as. People only see the cover, but he wants to read the book.

Ok you should get the idea. IDK why i wrote this in class, IDK why i wrote it here, IDK whether if it's appreciated. u shud know my intentions...yessuu -.-'''

nth else to say, just tired.
1:20am
I gotta sleep...

2009-08-01T22:23:00.000+08:00

Just this; enough SLACKING for today AZMI!!

The song playing now should drive me on while studying because the title is what I am going to do after O level.Dancing In The Moonlight by Toploader. Who wants to join me?! nyahahaha let's goooo!!!!!!!! .....to study -.-'''

Let's get down to business shall we?
See ya =D

2009-07-29T23:10:00.000+08:00

hey!!

...
actually i think no one is going to read this post anyway. lol...well, here goes.

i've been busy with studying and school....and also not studying. yess i know but i wanna chill for awhile. my classmates are getting even more exciting and fun. hahaha. i'm finally learning how to blend in a little day by day. i used to be the odd one out, putting up a barrier ard myself against them. i used to think i'm as useful as a chocolate teapot. haha. i guess im not eh? they influenced me, thanks to Dee i guess. now i'm somewhat like Dee, the ***** horse. hahaha. nah. it was for fun actually. lol. dont get it huh? i know =)

played a game called 'the silent library' at the school's library. it was fun i tell you, especially when we had to smack syiq...oh wait i said nothing :D. it sure was jiggly though. LOL!!

honestly, DNT is crap now. i d k how to survive!! things seems to not go my way. i chased for the instructors, but they seem to have excuses each time i'm in seek of their help.

my english is getting bad, or maybe my basics were never good from the start. how did i master the english language? i did what i think was right. i listened to people conversing, and also books.
I've never practiced anything at all. currently, i believe my foundation of the English language is deteriorating. maybe it's because i lack the time to sit down and read. i should start reading again.

On a lighter note, i improved in maths. I still have some problems here and there but I can solve them, slow and steady. Practice makes perfect, right? the other subjects are ok i guess. still need more work.

long post? nah. im tired and sleepy now. not in the mood i think? lol. im trying my best to not sound that way. i just want to sleep soundly tonight and make the greatest attempt to go to school very early just to do some revision....i sound like a nerd . -.-''' i hate o levels.

2009-07-10T18:46:00.003+08:00

Hmm, I've gotta plan my time well. My results were discouraging but it did not falter my will. Gonna plan my time after this.

Basically, the most of my efforts will be applied on maths.
And of secondary importance, Science.
Thirdly, Humanities.
Lastly, D&T.

That's all.I can do English anytime I want.
K cool.
See ya.

2009-07-07T20:00:00.005+08:00

MYE/PRELIM 1 over. The first wave made a massive hit on me. I doubt I can relax after knowing how hard the papers could be.

It was ok for science even though I had trouble revising. I had a problem with fermentation. Lol. My foundation for Physics isn't stable yet. I've still got holes that I've yet to patch up. Chemistry? I've been struggling. If I'm lucky, I can think logically, and if not, screw me. I've somewhat grasped the main basics as shown in a book I bought. I've yet to grasp the basics of other topics. Argh!! Gonna be a rush!!

Maths was a major turn down. Disappointed myself knowing that I found the paper very difficult. Blame myself for not practicing enough. I skipped a lot of questions. That was what she taught us right? hahaha. Skipped loh!! wek wek. haha

I don't even know my English results yet. Let's just hope that it's decent. If not, I'll practice on my summary and of course my favourite, composition.

What about my selected subject, D&T? I'm not sure myself. However, from what I can tell, I need papers from Mr Lau especially, to practice on.

Combined humanities was a disaster! I didn't even remember the contents really well. SS was the most disastrous paper ever. 20/50. 20 for SBQ. Not bad for that. Cheers. At least I know what to do when it comes to SBQ.I can't be complacent though. All I need to do now is to study the contents and to do more practices.
Geography was indescribable. Almost the same as SS, only I did study for the contents and understood a little of what I wrote. Still, I doubt the results will help me pass CH. I'll prolly get below 30 for geog. WTF. Ahhhh.... gotta work hard la.

I heard from other O level-ers from last year that preliminary papers they sat for were harder than when they sat for their O levels. I can't be complacent. I just need to work hard for the second wave of exams, the second prelim papers.

I used to stand out when I was taking the N levels. O levels seems like a whole different level. No, it doesn't SEEM like it, it already and really is off a different level. I feel so lowly. I feel as if the whole world has turned away from me, leaving me to unleash another bright light so that they'll turn back at me. Have I been slacking too much? IDK. Maybe, probably. I'm feeling as low as dirt right now or maybe I'm just exaggerating? IDK. Whatever it is, I've got my goals and I'll pursue it.

So prelim 2's coming and I'm not looking forward to it YET. Gonna prepare for it.

The second wave's coming. Another war is about to dawn and set light upon my secondary school life. Soon, the real war starts.
When the time comes, I, Muhammad Azmi Bin Samad, will rise to the occasion, and come back victorious and receive my results dressed up to the nines. Whoa seyy...cool right? lol.

You see, I'm trying my best to make a path for me to escape. I'm taking this advantage to escape from whatever shit I'm facing now. I'm also trying my best to make myself 'the' escape. C'mon, I'll take mi amor with me. Can? Lol.

I gtg now then. =)
Thank you for reading.

Let me face them with you.
When you feel like running, run into my arms.
You feel like talking and letting things out, I'm here.
I'll listen closely, intently.
Whenever you feel like crying, my shoulders are always here.
I'll always be there, in any form of support.
I'll be your escape.
I told you before, I'll even be a punching bag.
Don't let me go, mi amor.

Con amor, Azmi.
Spanish eiii. hahahahaha
사랑해요 ...korean??

Stressed!

2009-07-02T01:13:00.007+08:00

Ok I know I don't usually say this but...I am officially stressed over school for the first time. Haha.
I know that I haven't been doing very well at all for the papers. I'll flunk a lot.
I have to do well. I have to work harder. I have to.

Anyway, updates. Went to Marina Barrage,Esplanade bla3 last Sunday.

Had fun loh...Lol. Shan't elaborate more on that. Though I wish for that night to be longer. Please? lol.

Pics can't be uploaded. Same problem faced by Ijan. WTH is wrong sia?!?!
I used the manual HTML way instead and it's troublesome. So yeah. No pics but this one. Haha.

Anyway,
RIP MJ, Michael Jackson, The King of Pop.
=(

I gtg now..
See ya.

2009-06-24T15:37:00.001+08:00

I wanna take this route, this separate step alone.

2009-06-16T21:39:00.000+08:00

I've fucking made my decision.
You're gonna get the fucking best of me!

2009-06-15T00:08:00.003+08:00

Ok, a blog post after so long. Hiatus on hold for now. lol.

The reason I'm posting here is because I can't resist to put this link here.

It's an article about our solar system. Information has been gathered from studies made by astronomers about a collision course between Venus or Mars with Earth in 3.5 million years time.
There are other information that I have gathered from this article. Why not you guys find them out yourselves? Interesting. I find it cool. Think I'm a geek then fuck off. hahaha.

Ok I'm off.
Hiatus on la!!

Initiating CODE RED

2009-06-03T01:01:00.002+08:00

I'm on level 5. Probably gonna go on Hiatus =D

I want to lock my account on the PC. I have got to stop all forms of distraction.
Tagbox is up so feel free to spam me. Land an F bomb on me if you want to Mo Fos.

Well, update on what I did today.
Had D&T just now and the session pissed me off. I had to redo my project and they expect me to hurry up? I had to go into great detail! I had to draw a full scale drawing , an exploded view of my project and certain crucial areas that I have to zoom into and be very careful with the details. One wrong measurement and my project goes wrong. One wrong explanation and there goes my precious time. The rest have gotten their materials but not me. Urgh, whatever.

Went home after and slacked. I was shagged. Went online, checked my contacts,facebook, my tagbox and any other updates on other websites. I soon received a msg from Hakim. He wanted to hangout. So I agreed and got my parents permission through ways you would'nt want to follow. I'm a great liar and expects hell. Oh fuck...facing hell already. haha. Hungout with Hakim, Kobes, Ezan and of course myself. Besties finally got back together after a long time...ok that sounded kind of like a fag. Haha. Well, I kinda miss hanging out with all three at the same time. Reminds me of when I was sec 1 and 2. Ermm...something else too but it don't matter. =)

Went home and bought myself a bottle of cocktail at Prime, Gek Poh. No worries people. I'm not drunk. haha. No alcohol. The lady at the counter mentioned something about alcohol but I didn't manage to catch what she meant to say. She was mumbling or maybe it was just me. So I went home, popped the cork and drank, drank and drank. Finished man. It was irresistable! I'll buy another next time. Bought Pink just now. I want to try blue! And eventually Green! And eventually Heinekein! Nah just kidding.

Well, gtg lock this account now.
Anything just text me.
My phone's a pager.
Never call unless urgent.
Call my house.
If you want my house number then...

Hold your phone infront of your face and shout 'NUMBER!'
Later my number will pop out.
And if it does, it goes to show that you're an alien with an advanced technology.

Crap! You ain't getting my number.
Ask me personally.That goes for my HP as well.
The person whom you're asking for my number from must ask for my permission 1st.
If not, I won't reply.

O level here I come!!!!